We never really feel the inclination to watch television or even go and buy one. Nevertheless, every month we receive a ‘threatogram’ from TV Licensing  exhorting us to buy a TV Licence, otherwise they will take us to court, get a search warrant, or send an ‘Enforcement Officer’ round to harass us. Of course there is no legal requirement to tell TV Licensing anything so all these letters are just bluster, and TV Licensing have as much right to inspect our premises for a TV as the milkman does to search for non-returned bottles.

Alternatively we should contact them at our own expense to tell them we don’t watch or record ‘live’ TV or dabble with iPlayer. Not that that would have much effect—they say they would still send someone round to check if we are telling the truth, so the best idea seems to be to keep a low profile and have nothing to do with the BBC’s TV Licensing outfit.

With advances in technology, TV can be viewed on many devices, including conventional TVs, computers, tablets and smartphones. The only power the BBC has under the 2003 Communications Act is to apply for a search warrant, which we understand are very rare, and don’t seem to be issued in Scotland at all. But we still have the grotesquely comical situation where the BBC could potentially apply for a search warrant to ransack our premises looking for an iPhone. A scenario on par with the Monty Python Dead Parrot sketch.

We are so bemused by the situation that we will post these monthly TV Licensing letters on this site to highlight the intrusive and unacceptable behaviour of TV Licensing.

However after receiving 67 of these letters there is still no sign of any of the alleged ‘Enforcement Officers’ threatening hail, brimstone and a plague of frogs if we don’t buy a TV Licence, so our guess is that TV Licensing is nothing more than a coven of paper tigers.

But the diatribic TV Licensing letters continue to arrive month after month, year after year, as if TV Licensing are locked into some sort of groundhog day paradigm. Can’t they see what a ridiculous and ineffectual organisation they are? Why does the BBC let them continue with this farcical programme of harassment? And above all, why does the Department for Digital, Culture, Media & Sport, who have oversight of the BBC, endorse this cesspit of nonsense? Sooner or later the whole wretched edifice will come crashing down and the BBC’s funding moved to a subscription model as recommended by the Peacock Report presented to Parliament in July 1986.

Wot, No TV Licence?